Hey, I just met you...

...and this is crazy.  But here's a blog post.  So read it maybe?

Okay...that was lame.  I'll admit.  But the first line is what I'd like to talk about today.  Meeting people.  Specifically, meeting people for the first time.  In my line of work, I get to see an extraordinary amount of people of all different type.  And with that, I have to decide where to put more of my power to ensure that products aren't removed without payment.

I said a while ago that people should have to do 2 years of retail.  And some may think that I said that just because I work in it.  But the reason I believe that is because of a large number of practical skills you can gain.  And one is being able to read people based on appearance.  Some call it profiling.  And to some extent, it is.  But you also learn to read gestures, facial expressions, and even the way a person talks to give a quick judgement about who they are and how you should approach them.  In my job, if I see a person coming in wearing their pants hung below their ass, a rapper's t-shirt, hat worn to the side and walking with what some might call a 'swag', I am going to immediately assume that they are more of a risk for theft than a person coming in wearing a business suit and walking with the posture of a person who cares what people think about them.  Notice in there that there is no mention of race.  I've had both of these profiles met with all races.

This is an image some may recall.  The same person, wearing different attire.  In one picture, he looks to be an upstanding doctor.  The other, a punk biker.  And that's my initial impression.  And that's the point an entire ad of tattoo people were trying to get across.  Not to judge people because they have tattoos.  And I agree with that...to a point.

I understand that people have a style they enjoy, or get tattoos or body piercings because they want to express themselves.  And that's fine.  In fact, I encourage it.  But here's where I'm trying to get to.  Make sure that you can cover up your personal appearances when going someplace that might not understand, or might segregate you for it.

Look back at that picture.  Notice that when he is wearing his outfit while performing as a doctor, his tattoos are covered.  He keeps a neat and orderly appearance when he's in his profession.  I imagine that the reason for this is because he understand that there are people that might not want his care if they saw all his tattoos.  People that may not understand that they are an expression of who he is in private and have no effect on how he works.

People make judgements based on looks first.  If you make it passed that point, they might get to know you on a more personal basis.  I for one have quite a few little items and accessories that I enjoy wearing...but I wear them when and where it is appropriate.  Where people would look at me and understand what they are.  If I were to wear my steam punk garb all the time, I would expect people to think that I was some sort of weirdo.  If that person recognized me when I'm dressed normally, I would also expect that person to not want to interact with me because the first impression I gave them, and the one that is going to sit in their mind, is the one of me walking down the street in a leather jacket, aviators hat, goggles, boots, vest, and other random accessories.  So I keep that look to two occasions.  Conventions and Halloween.

Let's get back to the profiling though.  I see people come in and every person I have to make a judgement call as to whether they are a risk for stealing from the store.  A 75 year old women with a smile on her face walking in slowly to get her bottle of vodka for the month?  Low risk.  A 22 year old  wearing urban attire and fidgeting as he roams around the store looking up and down the aisle for associates?  High risk.  And yet, I still get a number of guys that do that and get offended and even irate when I'm keeping a close eye on them, pretending I'm walking around facing shelves and restocking.

But that's just one scenario.  Let me give you this one to get away from retail.  Say you are applying for a job.  You show up wearing slacks and a button down shirt (tie optional), you're clean shaven, hair neatly trimmed.  The employer is going to look at you and think you care about your appearance and therefore will make the company look good.  However, you show up to an interview wearing jeans (even if they are clean), a t-shirt, didn't shave or comb your hair...that employer is going to go through the motions, end the interview early, and throw your resume out the window as soon as you leave.

And yet, I see people show up to the store I work at doing just that.  Yeah...it's retail at a liquor store.  It's part time for just over minimum wage.  That doesn't mean that appearances mean nothing.

The point I'm trying to make is to keep in mind where you are going and what you are wearing there.  A night at the club?  Wear the stuff you think makes you look good, whatever that may be.  But remember that if you go to a store to pick up some pre-party drinks, you may be profiled as a threat to the store.  Keep in mind that your appearance is the first thing anyone sees, and they judge you based on that.  You don't want the wrong impression to be in the mind of someone you may be asking something of later...like a job.  Or the horizontal shuffle.

I personally normally dress in incognito mode.  I wear something the a majority of people will ignore me unless I initiate contact.  It allows me to force a person to judge me based on my personality...not on my appearance first.  When at work, I keep myself and my uniform as clean as possible, so that interacting with the customers is not only easier, but they think in their minds that I am knowledgable and helpful about what they need, and not some young kid just working a job to get paid.

But this is just what I see.  Do you think appearances are important?  Or should everyone just ignore their appearance and the appearance of others and judge and be judged based solely on the person?  Keep in mind, I'm not talking about race.  Just the way a person dresses and acts.  Is appearance important to you?

Catfishing

I recently came back from a quick trip to see some family.  While I was there, I happened to be downstairs while the news was on and caught a little story some of you might be familiar with, and plays into many of the things I said in my last post about aliases.

Manti Te'o

Apparently, a football player (for you non-American readers I'm talking about American football) for Notre Dame by the name of Manti Te'o had an internet girlfriend, or so he thought.  He allegedly had met a girl, even claiming to have met her in real life and even having her meet him in Hawaii, and their relationship had been quite good until she died of leukemia.  This happened not long after his grandmother died.  However, it was brought to light that this girl never existed, and was in fact some guy in Southern California that had created an online personality, used a year book photo of a girl he knew from school, and he was the one corresponding with Te'o.

Now, I'm not a football fan.  In fact, I only occasionally watch a game here and there when I have nothing better to do.  I've never seen Te'o play, and I don't know anything about how good he is.  However, I do know one thing about him just because of this story.  He's not the sharpest tool in the shed.  But I'll get into that in a bit.

The internet is a strange place.  There are people online that will help you with problems, others that will introduce you to things you've never experienced, and others that will bring joy to everyone they can.  There are also people that will bully and harass you, try to trick you into giving away your entire life, and others that will do everything in their power to make you're life as miserable as possible.  And you can usually find them all on each and every website you go to.

Why yes, I am a 22 year old white girl!

Catfishing, which should probably be spelled Catphishing, is just a subsidiary of phishing.  Phishing is sending emails, messages, and anything else you can in hopes that you can spread a virus or gather information from someone in hopes of taking something from them (usually identities or money).  Catfishing is basically the same thing, except that instead of getting information, you are trying to get someone to fall in love with you.  There are various reasons a person could want to do this.  They're lonely, they want free stuff, or they want to ruin someone's life or play with their emotions.  And while I am not going to say that people that phish or catfish are entirely within their rights to do so, it's not uncommon to see someone doing this on numerous programs and websites that have chat capabilities.  I've seen it happen (and even taken part in it) on World of Warcraft and Final Fantasy XI, where I used the look of my character (I usually play a female character on MMOs) and flirted with random players just to see if I could get some free loot.  It doesn't work all the time, but when it does, that extra 100 gold or 1000 gil comes in handy when you can get it.  Even just getting someone to party up with you and help you kill a monster could be deemed as catfishing.  These are minor cases, but they happen more often than many people want to admit.

Most internet savvy people know the acronym G.I.R.L., or Guy In Real Life, on MMOs.  It's because there are quite a few males that play female characters, so much so that most people don't believe it when anyone says they actually are a female.  However, this acronym is very limited, so I'm proposing a new acronym for anyone that outwardly claims anything without proof.  F.A.N.L.O.T.I., or Faking A New Life On The Internet.  And for anyone that thinks that this is an internet only thing, I give you this.  Have you ever done yourself, or heard of someone going to someplace they aren't from (let's say, Las Vegas) and they wanted to do something (we'll say, get laid) but they didn't want it to follow them back with them, so they adopted a new name, new job, new everything and attempted to pass it off as reality.  Guess what, it happens quite a bit.  I've done it while I was in the Navy.

But there are many other reasons why a person would need a completely new identity on the internet.  There are some countries that arrest and kill people for voicing opinions against the government or even religion.  There are others that are afraid that if what they say honestly gets back to them, they'll lose their job or worse.  Then there are people like me, who just like having a challenge of conversation.

A while back, I used a program called IMVU as a tool for an internet social experiment.  I created two profiles, one male, one female, opened up the program on two computers and joined the same room as both of them.  I would then begin a conversation about whatever I felt like with the people in there that were not me.  The idea was to see which one the other occupants would side with, then after a while, I would leave the room, join another room, switch which profile had which side, and try again.  I noticed on there that most of the occupants of any room would generally side with the female, unless I used a topic that was extremely controversial and put her on a negative extreme.  When I was done doing the experiment,  I decided to keep the female profile, since I concluded that most people would rather talk to someone if they believe they are female.  So, I created an entire backstory for her in my head, one that I could quite easily keep straight, and geared it so it arrived at a similar situation I was at at the time.  I now occasionally go onto IMVU on this profile, and continue to talk to people, but now I just do so for conversation.  I've had several people though proposition me for cyber-sex, or ask me for pictures or to video chat with them.  I always decline, stating various reasons like my web-cam is out, or that everyone in the house is asleep.

So you see, take everything on the internet with a grain of salt.  If you start developing emotions for someone through your computer screen, try to meet with them in real life.  Be safe with it though.  Meet at a public place, such as a park or a bar or something.  If you meet them and they are who they say they were, then have fun.  Most catfishers will attempt to avoid that contact, or if they do agree to meet, they may ask for you to pay for them, or they just won't show up and make an excuse later.

But let's get back to Manti Te'o, and why is isn't very bright.  There are two ways to look at this entire story.  One, Te'o and this guy from SoCal set up an entire backstory so that Te'o could become more famous.  Many of the reality TV shows have shown us that having a tragic backstory can get you 15 minutes of fame faster than having a skill (I'm looking at you American Idol).  So he could have been trying to get a bigger story for himself in hopes of making it into the NFL.  Or he's secretly gay and didn't want anyone to know.  If that's the case, then he should just come out of the closet.  I have nothing against homosexuals, and I don't think anyone should.  What a person does in the privacy of their bedroom is their own business if it makes them happy.

The second way to look at it is he was a victim of catfishing.  In which case, he's not bright because he fell in love with someone on the internet.  He probably didn't want to sound crazy for that, so he said he had met this fake girl to people just so they would think she's real too.  When he came back from Hawaii, he was probably embarrassed so he said he met her there as well.  Think of that guy from high school that didn't want to be known as the only virgin so he started the rumor that he'd slept with some girl, calling her a slut and whatnot.  It happens.  People don't want to be the subject of ridicule, and if that means they have to pass that ridicule off on someone else, they will.

What I imagine many people saying after reading this article.

I guess the point I'm trying to get at is that don't believe what everyone says on the internet.  And don't follow anything anyone says verbatim.  This includes me.  I'm don't want to think that someone followed my advice 100%, because I'm not perfect, and I don't have all the answers.  What I want to do is give people a little bit of insite into a side they may not know, and I hope they can take that, mix it with their own thoughts, ideas, and morals, and better themselves just a little bit.

What about you?  Do you think that people that create completely different personas online are always wrong, or are they only wrong if they attempt to get something out of it?  What about people that fall in love with people they have never met?  Are they victims, or are they just ignorant?  Start that conversation below!

Note on the pictures: If you don't want me using your images, then don't make them so easy to link.  Just saying... but if you can prove they are your images, then I will take them down.

Aliases

Recently I've been watching all of Heroes and it's got me thinking about a lot of things.  Watching people come to terms with who they are within extraordinary circumstances, trying to hide who they really are from the rest of the world...it's amazing how they do it.  It's especially interesting in Clair Bennet's case.  She has one of the easiest to hide powers, and yet she wants to know about all the things she can do that she secretly pushes herself forward, challenging where they can take her.  But in doing so, she has to work harder to hide who she is.  As the series progresses, she changes her name, then changes it back in season four, stating that she just wants to be herself.  That's what really got me thinking.  Names.  What do they mean?  Why do people express so much of a need to have a name for everything?

Look at the internet, and how people hide who they really are underneath monikers and avatars.  I'm no exception.  As I said in the first post I retired my old moniker and opted to put everything under my real name.  And after two weeks, I've noticed something.  There are several times when I've wanted to post a comment on YouTube or a few other sites, and as I was writing it, I changed how I worded a few things because I was under full transparency.  Anyone that read my comment could see my full name, much as you can now.  I wouldn't call it censoring, but I reread the comment, then changes a word or two because I didn't want it to be construed in a certain way, even if the change created a slightly different tone to how I really felt.

I remember when there was so much controversy over the internet being full open and anonymous.  People strive for anonymity on the internet.  Some people use names that mean something to them, while others use names that have no meaning due to their complete overuse.  For instance, one of my favorite names to make fun of is anyone that uses Sephiroth.  For those that don't know, Sephiroth is a character from Final Fantasy VII, namely the evil character.  No matter what website I go to, or even character names used in MMORPGs, I see so many Sephiroth#### out there.  It's absurd.  It's one thing to use a name that has meaning, but when that name becomes basically a John Smith of the internet, there is something wrong.  Even those people that use the same name as celebrities, or creating various statements such as IEatSouls (I've seen even worse ones that make me question the morals and motives of the person behind them).  Names, even ones used on the internet, shouldn't be something so transparent or uncreative.  It's why I spent so much time coming up and keeping my moniker of old.  It was something that no matter where I went, no one else would have that name.  Yet, it also meant that if someone wanted to see everything I was associated with, they could simple search that and would be able to find my email, my Facebook...everything.  I actually had this happen.  Someone I had met in Minecraft that only knew me by my gamertag found me on Facebook by simply searching that and adding common emails at the end.

But I'm getting off topic here (It's a rant...it's supposed to get off topic and take the winding path).  Back to talking about aliases.  My old moniker had it's own personality.  It wasn't drastically different than my own personality, but it was just different enough to be called its own person.  Even using my nickname brings with it a slightly different set of personality traits when I'm around the people that call me by that name solely as to people that call me by my actual name.  It's why I wanted to remove myself from at least my online moniker.  I wanted to be more myself.  I wanted to express myself without people looking at my name and thinking I was some teenage kid hiding behind a wall to separate myself from any backlash.

So the point I'm trying to make is that if you hide behind an alias online, or even in real life, think about who you are.  Do you keep that name just because you think it's cool, or is it a wall that gives you a little buffer room in case something you say or do with it backfires?  And is that name something that still applies to you?  Perhaps you no longer have need for it, but keep it around because you are still afraid or want to hold onto that little part of your life that once was.

With that said, I would like to invite people to create a conversation below on this topic.  Use whatever name you want.  How and why did you come up with that name, or any other name you want to talk about.  When you think about it, and I mean really think about it, you may find that you can't justify it's existence anymore.  Remember your Shakespeare.  "What is in a name?"

Experience

Every person on Earth has been told at one point or another "Go out.  Experience something new!" in one form or another.  Whether is the parent simply saying "Go outside and do something." or a commercial saying "Come see the bright lights of Las Vegas." it happens.  And while everyone should strive to go do something they normally wouldn't do whenever the opportunity arrises, these experiences shouldn't always be just fun ones.

This plays into today's topic of experience.  The things you have done within your life that give you skills, knowledge, and have shaped you into who you are.  Whether you want it to or not, your experiences and how you use them in everyday life have an impact on those around you.  I may not be the most traveled and versed man in existence, but I like to think that my experiences between where I've been and the jobs I've held give me an foresight to my actions many lack.

The many skills I've acquired over the years don't necessarily show, and despite my best wishes, many people don't even think I can do half of the stuff I say I can.  And that's fine...many of the skills I have I don't ever want to prove I can do.  But there are others that I have acquired that I feel other people should have, just to make their lives easier on themselves and the people they have to interact with.  How you use your experiences in your life plays into the butterfly effect.  The problem with the butterfly effect is that everyone doesn't have the same experiences, namely the unpleasant ones.  Now I wouldn't wish abusive parents or bullying or even injury on anyone, but one of the unpleasantries everyone can experience is jobs.  Namely first jobs.  Whether you want to be an artist or an archaeologist, a teacher or a tank operator, there are a few jobs that everyone will have to deal with at some point or another, and the skills learned in those jobs can help you be better at just about any job out there.

Because of this, I have come up with three jobs every man or woman should have to do before they can pick their final career path.  The first one is doing 2 years of retail or customer service.  Customer service is a job that a majority of people don't even want to think about doing, yet everyone complains about when they aren't treated to what they believe is perfect at an establishment.  However, so many of  those same people have never had to deal with an angry customer causing a scene because of a simple misplaced price tag, but had to keep a smile on their face.  Or they've never had to try to help a person with little to no English and attempt to make the experience less awkward for both of them.  Or even had to explain the exact same thing to customers for months when the answer is written right in front of them.  There are things that happen in retail and customer service that anyone that hasn't been in that business just doesn't understand.  Customer service teaches you how to put your personal matters aside and wear a smile to get through the day.  It also gives you the perspective to understand that there are times when a crew of five employees can do everything right, but they can't help every customer at the exact minute the customer needs it.  They will get to you eventually, but during busy hours, a team of associates could have to deal with up to 100 customers per hour per person on the shift, plus they have to keep an eye out for people stealing product, keeping the shelves full of product, cleaning the store, and anything else that may arise.  I've worked in retail off and on again since I was 17 and in various different departments.  When I go shopping, the only thing I expect any employee to do is greet me and ask if I need any help.  I usually refuse unless I'm looking for something specific, but if I'm not in a rush and notice the store is busy, I ask them for help in a way that allows them to simply direct me so they can move on.  It's called common courtesy for the profession.

The second job everyone should have to do is a year of food service.  Aside from the obvious extension of customer service you would experience in this field, there is the added bonus of gaining an understanding of protocol that goes into dealing with food.  The cleanliness of your hands and the rest of your body is critical.  At restaurants, finding out how hectic a kitchen can get when the place gets busy, or what happens when an order gets screwed up.  It happens, just like in home kitchens.  Even learning the stress that comes when a server doesn't show up for a shift and everyone has to take on four or five extra tables just so every table is covered.  Food service was my first job, and to be honest, I was terrible at it.  I started out making pizzas at a little family owned place down the street from my high school.  Eventually, they made me bus boy/dish washer/ prep for the place after a few mishaps.  Even a small operation like that showed me that there are dangers, time constraints, procedures, and plenty of small little tasks that everyone is counting on you to do as fast as possible.  It's why when I go to a restaurant now, the first thing I look at is how many servers are working and how busy the place is.  It gives you an idea of how long it's going to take for food.  Busy times can usually mean that you could wait for 20 or even 40 minutes after you order before you are able to dine, regardless of what you order.  The other thing I've learned is that when something is wrong, let the staff know.  They don't know something is wrong if everyone just eats and leaves.  If you think leaving a small tip is showing them something, all they know is that something went wrong with your experience.  Let them know that your meat was under/over cooked, or that you found some less than appetizing lettuce in your salad.  Nine times out of ten it's not going to get anyone fired.  They are small things that happen and they want to know about it.  If it does get someone fired, it's probably not the first time they've done something wrong and they need to be removed from the establishment in order for the entire place to become better.

Finally, the last job everyone should have to do is at least two years of military.  Whether its Army, Navy, Air Force, Marine, or even National Guard or Coast Guard, the military is probably the number one job everyone should have to do.  Now, there are some people out there that have a physical or mental condition that prevents them from being able to join.  And that's fine, but most people are just lazy or scared of it.  Joining the military has more benefits than you could imagine, and as a veteran myself, I speak this from the heart.  I hated the military while I was in, but in hind-sight, it was probably the best thing I have ever done.  I joined the Navy at 18 for a few reasons.  The first and foremost was I wanted money for college, and doing four years gave me more than enough to get my degree.  The second was I wanted to see the world.  I mentioned the the beginning of this post that everyone has heard somewhere about going to see new things, and that's what I wanted.  It's why I chose the Navy.  I even chose being forward deployed to ensure that I would get to see as much as possible. The experience was priceless.  The countries and cultures I saw, and learning about them and making friends in various countries.  (Having booze and food I can't get here as well ^.^)  It also taught me respect for differences.  I didn't go into any country expecting them to speak English.  I had to learn in each port ways to communicate with people in taxi-cabs, bars, shops, and even on the street just to know where to go and what to do.  In some places, it was damn near impossible, but I memorized in every country how to at least say "Hello." and "Thank you for your time.  Goodbye." A prime example of this was in Japan, where I was stationed.  I was in town looking for candles.  So I went to the convenience store, where the lady behind the counter attempted to help me the best she could.  However, after five minutes of trying to describe what I wanted to no avail, I finally pulled out a notepad and drew a picture of a birthday cake with some candles, circled the candles and stated "Doko desu ka?"(Where is this?)  Finally, she knew what I was looking for, showed me where they were and we complete the purchase.  After which, I thanked her with a bow and a "Domo arigato gozaimasu." (thank you very much) and proceeded on my way.  The fact that she was nice enough to deal with a person that spoke very little Japanese through to the end is why I thanked her so heart felt.  It's something we lack in America, and I thank the military for giving me the discipline to do that.

Being in the military also forces you to grow up.  You quickly learn that you are not the center of the universe, and that little town you grew up in is not the entire world.  There is so much more out there.  Beauties and dangers in the world that you may never experience again.  And yet, when you start noticing how people live their lives, you realize that wherever you go, its all the same.  The people are all doing the same thing in their daily lives as you did back in your home town.  They wake up, they go to work, the come home, and they sleep.  Somewhere in there they spend time with their family, or spend a few hours playing video games or watching TV.  They go shopping for food and necessities and other things they want just like you do at home.  They may look different, or even dress in clothes you've never seen before, but inside they are the same.

These are not the only experiences I've gone through, and are not the only ones you should look for.  Everything is an experience.  Going to the mall and seeing the kid screaming at his mother about a video game he wants, and the mother doing nothing to stop the scene from happening.  That's an experience.  How will it shape your life?  Will you remember it when your kid screams at you?  Are you going to discipline them, or turn a blind eye?  Maybe you react right there to the scene and show the child and the mother the error of there ways.  Every moment is an experience that should be savored whether it's fun or boring, happy or sad, pleasant or painful.  But it's how you use those experiences to better your life and the lives of those around you that counts.  Remember the butterfly effect.  Anything you do is like a butterfly flapping it's wings, and somewhere in the world it will create a hurricane.  But are you going to let that hurricane be destructive, or are you going to have it bring happiness to someone.