Reading Up

A couple of days ago, I had a discussion with a friend of mine.  He wants to be a writer, and received a harsh review on something he wrote, and was feeling a bit down.  So, being the guy that I am, I wanted to help him.  I read the review and while the guy put it in a pretty blunt and almost rude way, overall everything he said was correct.  His story has bad pacing, his sentence structure and punctuation wasn't great, and the way that he attempted to create flow was more confusing than anything.  The basic gist of it was, it wasn't engaging.

So I asked him, what writers he liked and how much he read.  He named a couple of huge authors like J.K. Rolling and Stephen King, and a few other long-since dead authors, but then he told me something that told me his entire problem in one sentence.  He doesn't read all that much.

I don't know any writer out there that doesn't read.  And they read a lot.  It pretty much fills up the rest of their time when they either aren't writing, sleeping, or doing their job.  And even during the last one, sometimes they are reading short stories or poetry whenever they can.  It's like a musician that doesn't listen to music, or an artist that doesn't look at other artist's artwork.  It's gaining a frame of reference, and expanding your knowledge of your craft.  As an artist myself, I probably look at images and speed paint videos at least 4-6 hours a week.  And it's not just looking at them, going "Hey, that looks cool." and then clicking to the next one.  I study everything about it.  Their line work, their shading techniques, their framing of the composition, the color choices they made.  I find every little detail and analyse it.  Then several times, I've attempted to recreate it using my own techniques, or if I can't, trying to figure out the technique they used.  Sometimes I find things I never knew existed, or a new way of doing something that not only looks better, but save me time.

The same thing goes for musicians and composers.  The ones I know constantly have music playing if they aren't working on something themselves.  Sometimes it's just for pleasure, but other times, especially with a new song they've never heard before, they are listening to every detail, every pitch of every instrument.  Where they are accentuating certain parts, and where they are breaking things down. How they pace their song, and how they leveled each instrument so not one part is overbearing.

Sounds like a lot of work, right?  Well, if you want to be good at anything that is part of it.  Let's go into something less creative.  Mechanical Engineering for example.  Working just by yourself, you may figure out how to repair an engine eventually.  But if you watch someone else do it that already knows, you'll be able to do it much faster.  If you watch several people do it, and put their techniques together, then you might be able to find an even better way than all of them.  Getting into the engine, you might start studying how each piece works and it's relationship to every other piece, and possibly figure out ways to improve upon it.

Or how about salesmen.  Even the greatest salesman in the world can learn something from another salesman.  How to interact with people, or certain words to use in place of other words to make something sound fancier and more appealing.  Even mannerisms, fluctuations in volume and speaking patterns, how to tell jokes and anecdotes...they all come into play and learning from other salesmen can improve your own style.

A book I think everyone should read is Malcolm Gladwell's Outliers. In it he explains that it takes 10,000 hours of practice in order to truly perfect anything, which equates to roughly 3 hours a day for 10 years.  Now, that can be accelerated by practicing more per day, so say 6 hours a day for 5 years, or 10 hours a day for three and a half...something like that.  But it's the hands down practicing, and good practicing, for 10,000 hours that's important.

Studying is part of practicing.  I don't claim mastery over anything (I wish I could though) but the things I am really good at I probably have about 4000-5000 hours doing, and much of that was studying.  One thing I'm really good at doing is talking about Evangelion, and anime done by Studio Gainex.  I have literally studied that anime, watching it so many times through, reading up on theories and discussing little nuances of the series and movies.  The culmination of my work came when I was able to give a panel at Megacon and Anime Festival Orlando on the subject, the best of which was the one at Megacon where I was in main events and was given the honor of leading into them showing the first of the Rebuild movies.  I had roughly 100 people in there, the largest crowd I had ever talked to, and afterward I had people stopping me in the halls and asking me even more questions, all of which I was able to answer for them, even if it was just a theoretical answer.  Had I just watched the series once, I never would have had enough knowledge to do that.

What I'm trying to get at is that anything you want to do, especially if you want to do it for a living, you must practice and study.  Studying doesn't just come from reading instructions, but seeing examples of your craft done by other people.  If you want to design video games, you have to study video game design, and play games not for enjoyment solely, but look at everything they did and try to understand WHY they did it.  If you want to act in movies, you must watch movies and see how other actors have portrayed their characters, studying everything from their voice to their facial expressions to their hand movements.

So, what do you do in order to practice your craft?  And how many hours of practice do you think you honestly have?  1000?  5000?  Have you already breeched the 10,000 hour mark?

(Also, side note, I've noticed that I have quite a few readers in Germany (or one that just keeps reading).  To my German readers, feel free to comment below.  I may not speak German, but I know how to use Google Translate, and I would be happy to hear thoughts from people other than my fellow Americans.)

On Console Design

I've been around for quite a while.  Long enough to see gaming consoles evolve from simple 8-bit machines to home entertainment computers that encompass many facets of life.  Long enough to see gamers evolve from a select group of individuals that were deemed nerds to just about every make of human being from the toughest sports nut to the meekest of child.  I've also seen the console war itself evolve from simply who can output the best graphics and have the best exclusives to a war not just about power, but functionality and to a lesser extent, gimmicks.

I've also been witness to enough items to understand what works and what doesn't in the long run of gaming, yet I still see console manufacturers trying to implement items that most gamers never will use unless they are forced to, and even then they will do so with a groan and a bit of disappointment.  It's not always the console's fault.  Sometimes the games just don't do justice to the idea.  They feel tacked on last minute, or even worse, forced in just so they could say they used it.  Because of this, I've come up with a concept for a console using what I know and a plan about how future workings of it would be.

1 - The Power, The Brain, and the Guts: Contrary to popular belief, it's actually not hard to design a console's inner working as long as you know what you are doing.  I'm not going to state any specific hardware, because the moment I type it, there will be something new announced and it will be obsolete.  Also, coming back to this post a few years later, it will probably be ridiculously out of date.  Instead, the inner workings would be an amalgamation of contracts with hardware manufacturers based on the date of release.  Working together with them, I would take a hint from Sony's Playstation 3 and run a multi-core system with a central processor.  I would probably expand upon it a bit, possibly running 10 cores with a central brain to handle final compiling.  Given enough RAM, whatever the high end graphics and sound cards are, and the proper outputs, and the hardware is pretty much done.  The only thing I would have above anyone else right now would be terabyte hard drives.  Models would come in one, two, and eight terabyte, and there would be an output connection for a separate cord.  This cord would directly connect to another terabyte hardrive of the same type, so that users could expand to higher HDs.  I would also sell this cord with a 16TB and 32TB hardrive should they be available at that time.  Granted, the space could go up if needed based on the time of the console's release.

2 - The Mind: The operating system for a console is, in my opinion, the most critical part of the console itself.  An operating system should be set up for the ease of the end user, and should have basic functionality to run without too many possibly unused programs.  Basic programs that would come with the console would be an online store, game launcher, DVD Player (or whatever format I could have it play), music player for digital music, photos, and basic community applications.  Aside from that, there would be the ability to fully customize everything on the operating system.  Start up sounds, backgrounds, icons...pretty much everything.  The console would come with a program for the computer, both PC and Mac AND Linux compatible, that would help create themes.  And yes, those themes would be dynamic.  My console has enough power to run high definition games at at-least 60 FPS.  I'm sure it can load a full HD movie to be played as the background.

Everything else would be for the user to decide to download, and most would be free.  Things such as Netflix, fancy picture slideshows, or even an internet browser don't even get used on consoles most of the time (at least not through anyone I know).  Apps that I haven't seen that should be there are screen recording and internet streaming.  There are plenty of gamers out there who enjoy playing and like to record themselves having fun and show it to others.  Let them...in fact, let them easily do it.  Along side the community functionality of just having a friends list so you know when they are online and what achievements they have, there would be functionality for those Let's Players out there to simply click a setting, and instantly they are online streaming, speaking into a mic (purchased separately) and showcasing their skills.  If they do not wish to use that forum, they can simply record to the hard drive to upload to whatever place they choose.  Other social media apps such as Twitter, YouTube, or Facebook would be an optional download as well, and I'm sure as time went on, there would be plenty of other apps to add that people would enjoy.

3 - The Interface: Now for the controller...that little device you hold in your hand, and the one piece of equipment that always seems to be tampered with by console makers.  First off, I need to explain something.  Despite what most people think, controllers have not changed too drastically over the years.  D-pad on the left, buttons on the right.  The implementation of shoulder buttons with the SNES has been expanded on, and the Dual-Shock controller's joysticks are still probably the best places to have them, though some would argue that X-box's controller did it better by switching the D-pad and left joystick placement...but that's not the point.  The layout is still fundamentally the same.  Why?  Because it works.  It's comfortable.  It's easy to get used to.

So, with that, I'll keep a similar design to the Dual-Shock from Sony, with a few additions.  First, there would be a 4-inch screen dead center of the controller.  Now, this would never be used for any games itself, but instead would be a console interface based on what the user is doing other than gaming.  For those that like to play their own music, there would be a music controller there.  Chatting with friends via a mic?  It would display a status on who is talking and who is connected.  For those streaming though the console's media site the chat would be displayed so the player could simply look down for a moment and see the chat, thumbing through if they want to see more.  Even digital movies could be played on the screen, or if they don't want the distraction, achievement lists, power displays, or just a clock.  Of course, this could all be set up in the settings.

This also opens up something that I'm surprised nobody has thought of before.  Interactive Live Digital Game Guides (sold separately).  Purchasing one of these ILDGGs would allow you to basically cheat through a single player game.  The guide would allow you to navigate through a few menus to decide what you want to do currently, then as you play update your guide.  So if you wanted to find all those hidden items for that achievement, the little screen would act as a map.  If you wanted to know the code to unlock the door without having to read all the clues, the game would just tell it to you (even if it changed each time you played).  I've used online guides several times for those fetch trophies, but I have to make notes on which items I've collected so I don't have to go searching for 1 of 100 in a large world.  This would make it a lot easier and would justify the purchase of game guides again.

4 - The Games:  A recent topic that has been coming up in the console wars is backwards compatibility and the used games market.  On the former, assuming this console does well and warrants a second generation, there would definitely be backwards compatibility, and to anyone that designs consoles out there reading this, that should be a must regardless.  I know where the companies are coming from.  They want people to purchase new games.  They want people to re-buy their old games in new formats.  That's great, but unless you give them a great incentive to do so, most gamers would rather just keep their old consoles until they either die or enough good games come out for the new console.  And even then, they will probably keep their old console just to play older games.  I was lucky enough to get the double backwards compatible PS3, and I still occasionally play some PS1 and PS2 games.  It's rare, but when those feelings of nostalgia come on, I'm glad I have the ability to pull out Lunar or Megaman Legends and have some fun.  So if you want people to be less angry about not having immediate backwards compatibility, then heres a tip.  Create a way so they can get their old games back for the new console.  And with the invent of the internet on consoles, here is the perfect tip.  Buy a disc version, get a downloadable version for free, lock it to the account so only that account can play it, and poof!  New console comes out, make the SOFTWARE have the ability to play the digital versions, and people will just store their discs and download their old games at their leisure.  Problem solved.

Now for the used games market.  Several companies are attempting to tackle that the wrong way by treating it like it's a stolen game.  And I understand this...to them, it is stolen.  But here's how you fix that, and several games have taken the first step towards it.  Several games require you to input an online pass code in order to play the game online.  That's great.  Now, what about single player games?  Easy...online registration.  When you get a game, the first thing you have to do is input a code inside the box...if it's valid, a small 100kb file downloads to your system unlocking the game for that system.  If you sell the game or give it away, the game won't work.  If you don't have a stable or consistant web connection, that's fine since the file itself is what activates the game, so you'll only need to be online once for a few minutes, and then you can play the game offline all you want.  This would work for handhelds as well.  If the game is digital, then the file downloads with the game itself, and everything is good.

Oh wait...what about the other end...the game stores that sell those used games.  Well, they still can.  Users that purchase these games can purchase the online passes or the offline registrations of the games for a fee obviously.  I would probably say $5 would get you either/both.  Stores can still sell used games for discounted prices and make money on them for themselves, and the game companies can still make some money on their work.  I think that about covers all the bases.

5 - The Gimmick: There is none.  I've seen too many consoles try and fail at it.  The Wii was the closest thing to a success with the nun-chuck thing, and even that was mainly geared toward the casual gamer. Sega Dreamcast tried their VMU unit, and that wasn't enough to save the company from falling from the console wars.  Gimmicks just don't work.  If it's not part of the functionality, then it's not worth putting in.  Stick to what works, add what you need to make your functionality work, and leave the rest alone.  Some could say that the screen on the controller is a gimmick, and to some extent it is, but it's there for functionality.

*rereads* Wow that's a long post...but the I hope the idea is getting through.  I also hope that someone from either Microsoft, Sony, or Nintendo reads this and starts to rethink where they are going with their consoles.  If not, oh well.  Maybe I'll get someone with the know-how to build it wanting to go in with me and Kickstarter this.  Maybe not.

Friends

There are many articles out there about where certain types of people fit into different circles of closeness as far as friends go.  Some of them are quite simple.  Others are quite complicated.  The problem with many of them is they don't take into account the number one place people say they have friends.  The internet.  With Facebook, MySpace, Twitter, Google+, and every other social network out there, some people can claim that they have over 5000 friends, yet they've only met a handfull of those people.

So, I'm going to attempt to simplify where friends fall to include internet friends.  And to ensure that everyone knows where friends fall on this list, I'm going to give an example of how you may interact with them.

Level 1: Those dudes/dudettes - Skipping completely unknown people and those people you just don't like (both of which would be level 0), Level 1 friends are people you have met, whether in person or on the internet, that unless their name is right in front of you, you can't even seem to remember them.  Half the time, you can't remember how you met them or where you know them from.  You just have some vague memory of their existence and if someone asks if you know them, you think for a minute and usually respond with "yeah...I know them...they're cool" or something to the like.

These 'friends' shouldn't really be called friends.  They are acquaintances.  People you just know.  You don't actively try to do anything with them, and if you casually meet them somewhere sometimes you get the feeling that you know them from somewhere.  If it manages to click, you will retell all the same stories you told the first time you met and each one will click, but the next time you meet, you'll go over the same process, maybe with a few more stories added to catch up to date.  On the internet, you occasionally comment on their post if it's interesting or you can think of something funny, but there is rarely a time when you tag them in a post.  They do the same with you.  It's not that you wouldn't be cool together, but maybe there just isn't a spot higher in the chain where you can keep track of them.  Also, anyone that is famous on the internet, this is where you fall to them.  You are simply there.  You can have almost an infinite number of these types of friends.

Level 2: My buddies - Next up are people you know a bit of.  You probably have had a few conversations with them, whether in person or on the internet, but they aren't really more than just a person that you have similar interests to.  You may invite them to something if you are planning something big, or tag them in a post if it's something that sparks a memory of them, but overall you don't hang out with them on a regular basis.  If you seem them around, you will spark up a conversation, catch up with them, and then go about your business.  The reason why you keep them up higher in the chain from Level 1 is they may have something you want, whether it's a skill or item.  However, if you don't need anything from them, they can quite easily fall back to Level 1.  Of the people you know, there are probably under 100 like this.

Level 3: My friends - This is where we really get into the term friend at it's core.  Those at Level 3 you will casually talk to whenever the mood strikes or whenever you see them.  You have some inside jokes, you hang out whenever possible, but there is still a small wall where everything must go through some proper channels.  They still call to ask to come over, or they feel the need to reward you (or you with them) if any sort of special favors are exchanged.  You remember to tag them in most posts that are relevant, and they are quick to respond.  Some secrets are shared, but for the most part you continue to keep little things you don't want passed around for the world to know secret from them.  The trust hasn't fully come yet.  Most people have under 40 of these, but it can reach about 60 or 70.

Level 4: My close friends - That little inner circle that just shows up at your place and makes themselves at home.  The ones that bring you stuff and don't expect anything in return.  Those few people that will bend over backwards to help you move, or will spend an entire night with you watching movies because you just don't want to be alone.  These are the friends that you share just about everything with, and you tease each other back and forth in light-hearted fun.  Every chance you get, you are with them, and it doesn't matter if you are going out, staying in, or just talking on the internet for hours.  All of it is fun, and every time some new memory is made that you cherish.  You have forgotten more inside jokes with them than you remember, and whenever you are around them in public having a good time, you occasionally get stares from some of the random stuff you do together.  But it's okay...they are only jealous of how close you guys are.  Most people have under 10, though I do know a few people that get up there towards 20.

Level 5: My best friend - One person...maybe two at most. If you could be together all the time, you would.  Hell, if you could find a person to marry just like them you would (and depending on how you swing, you probably want to with this person).  It's almost like you think on the same wavelength. Finishing each other's sentences, being able to know what the person is thinking with very minimal description.  You could probably be one mind if it weren't for that pesky skull in the way.  This person is the one you call brother or sister, even if they aren't by blood.  Some call them soul mate.  Some call them the other half of you.  But you would be content if you could just be together having fun all the time.

Level 6: THE ONE - Much like the best friend, this person is so much like you that conversation isn't even needed.  A small motion with the face and a grunt of a certain tone is enough to compose an entire opera of words that portray what you want to say.  And to others...it's really creepy how alike you are.  It's not like two separate beings with similar minds...it's almost as though you were perfect clones of each other.  Fusing with them would only create the same person.  If you had actual telepathy, you could be in two places at once.  Not everyone has one of these...in fact, most people don't have one.  Why?  Because those slight differences in us makes it very hard to find a person exactly like us in every way.

I know some readers on my friends list/twitter feed are going to read this and start placing themselves on the list.  Well, most of you fall under Level 3.  After my internet reset back in January, I officially did out with everyone below that.  I am already starting to gain a few Level 2s back through other channels, but mainly because I've never met them in real life, only through a specific meetup group's page (you know who you are).  Unfortunately, all of my Level 3s and higher live so far away I can't get to them whenever I want.  It makes me sort of lonely.  But at least I have the internet in which to talk to them through.

I hope this makes sense more-so than other friend-circle-explanation-thingies.  The question is, do you know where all those people on your friends lists place on here?  Do you have Level 5s?  Do you have a Level 6?  If so...what is it like?  I can only describe it from an outside perspective.

Miracles

If anyone ever comes into the liquor store where I work while I'm up front, they will be greeted with "It's another beautiful day."  The guys I work with give me shit about saying that every time, but I learned a long time ago that any day you wake up above ground instead of 6 feet under it...then it's a pretty good start of a day.  I decided a long time ago that I wasn't going to let little issues weigh down on me for too long.  And ever since then, I've managed to keep a fairly positive outlook on life.  There are some days that I get depressed or lonely or angry because of certain situations, but overall I keep a fairly positive attitude towards life in general.  I've had some people tell me that they think it's a miracle that I can keep such a bright outlook on life despite everything going on.  The truth is, when I look at it, it's not that hard.  I just remember that no matter the problem, it's temporary and therefore will eventually pass as long as I work towards fixing it.

I've never been one to fully believe in magic and miracles.  Whether the mystical definition of manipulating energy for magic or changing water into wine...or even the more physical definition of kids staying in school despite drugs being around them always or a mom that works 3 jobs and finds time for their kids every night at dinner.  They are fantastic feel-good stories, but I attribute them to strength of will...not miracles...not magic...simply a person knowing that they are willfully stronger than their situation and have the power to correct it.

I've seen a lot of videos and news stories recently about bullying, whether at schools or online, and people gaining praise for putting up with the ridicule and the hazing and managing to get out of high school alive and into the real world.  Yet, I look back at my years of school, and think "Did it ever get that bad?"  I wasn't exactly the most popular guy in school.  I was teased, pushed around, and segregated from many of the groups all the way up until my junior year of high school.  I got into fights several times, and got my ass kicked by some of them.  Some people in that situation seclude themselves from society as much as possible, attempting to avoid the problem until it can pass.  Instead, I ran headfirst into the problem.  I wasn't going to show them I was afraid, regardless of the fact that I was.  I stood out in the open, and made myself known.  When they taunted me, I taunted back.  When they pushed me, I pushed back.  Some times I emerged victorious.  Other times, I fell to the floor.  But I never gave up.  I forced myself to continue going on, to keep getting up, so that they knew I wasn't just going to be a punching bag.  Yet, I don't think it's a miracle.  It was a choice.  I could have ran away, let them know they had me on the ropes.  But I chose to instead stand my ground.  And as time went on, I learned from the past, and gained knowledge so that in the future, I could stand my ground for longer.  Eventually I could out-wit them and they had no choice but to resort to physical violence.  And then I learned to defend myself so they had to not only think about the school's repercussions, but my own.

About the only miracle I would justify would be if every parent sat down and explained to every child that they shouldn't harass people for being different, but should embrace that difference.  Even if you have drastically different opinions, it doesn't mean that you have to hate each other.  Having nothing in common just means you don't have anything in common and therefore do not need to be friends.  But not being friends is not the same as being enemies.  And every parent needs to explain to every child that you shouldn't stand aside and not be noticed, or avoid confrontation.  Consider confrontation as a challenge and accept it.  Overcome it.  Conquer it.  Learn to fight, whether with your mind, your heart, or your fist.  Show them you won't let them walk all over you and leave you in your shadow.  Show them you have a light of your own and that it shines brighter than anyone else's.

That's the only miracle I could believe in.  A world where we aren't judged by looks or smarts or athletic ability, but instead on how we treat ourselves and others.  That would be a miracle.

Note: Sorry this is a day late, but I've been sick lately and working on a couple of projects...side tracking sucks.

Inspiration

When it hits you, it hits you.  When it doesn't, you wonder how you did anything before in the first place.  It's fleeting, and can go away without a moments notice and come back when you either don't want it, can't use it, or just don't expect it.  Inspiration, in its many forms, is probably the one thing that has been plaguing me the most over the last few years.  I've had some great ideas, but haven't been able to act upon them for many reasons.  Whether it has been lack of resources, lack of information and knowledge, or lack of time, something always prevents me from turning a great idea into a physical form.  However, I have attempted to prevent those problems as time goes on.


When it comes to lack of resources, the first step I've taken is to acquire stuff.  Programs, nicknacks, usable trash pieces from other items.  It has at least helped for some of the smaller projects.  For instance, I had an idea upon seeing a nice wooden wine box to build a book shelf out of a bunch of them.  As we have emptied them, I snag the box and add it to the shelving.  I now have 18 of those boxes, plus a couple more and have managed to make a fairly decent book shelf.  Yet, it's not done.  Things I would like to add to it are lights, doors (I've added a couple, but they don't open smoothly), and possibly more permanent dividers in the shelving itself.  The last one isn't too hard, as I just need to go out and purchase some cheap crafting wood, which I did once as a test and it worked pretty well.  The doors are a bit more of a problem, but I think if I can get a thin piece of metal and shave off some of the box tops that came with them, and add a handle it shouldn't be a problem.  The lights are the hard one.  I don't have LEDs, nor do I have the knowledge to read and design a system that would work without running the risk of fire and/or shorting out the house.  Which leads the next problem.

The know-how.  Luckily, in the age of the internet, pretty much any question can be answered with a quick Google search (in case you missed my previous post on this, it's here).  Yet, even with such tools, there is always specific questions that hard harder to find.  For instance, in this case, LED wiring questions such as "How to I wire it to a wall outlet and allow for over 100 LEDs to be lit evenly?" or "How do I create connections that are detachable in case I decide to rearrange the order of the boxes?"  If I had money to burn, I would just experiment.  But without that luxury, I would like to know nearly exactly what I am doing before I start in order to prevent wasting materials.

The other way I get around my own DKS (don't know shit) syndrome is having a list of people that know how to do what it is I lack.  Character rigging, for instance, is not my strongest suit.  Neither is audio engineering.  Yet I have several friends that can fill those roles quite well.  However, since I can't pay them, I have to work around their schedule and hope that they work on it in their free time.  Which brings me to the next problem.


The last one is time, and it is possibly the hardest one to do.  Everyone has obligations in their life.  Work or school, food, sleep, and plenty of other things that I probably don't have to worry about myself but some would.  Work for me takes up about six or seven hours of my day, depending on the day.  Food takes up another hour or so in total.  Sleep is the one thing I can actually manipulate.  I'm able to function on four hours a day for about two or three weeks.  I prefer to get six hours a day at least, and tend to get eight hours just because I do like sleeping.  I am a night owl though, so my sleep schedule is usually 2am to 10am, give or take an hour here or there.  That's 15 hours of the day gone on average, which leave 9 hours of time for me to do stuff outside of obligations.  Since I am trying to get to a better position financially, I tend to spend at least two or three hours of that searching job websites.  Now we are down to six or seven hours, and admittedly, I spend a lot of that time catching up on world events, YouTube videos, and stalking people on Facebook.  On Saturday and Wednesday evenings, I write this blog which takes up about an hour before I go to bed.

Sprinkled in that little time I have, I do some minor things I'm inspired to do, such as Photoshop projects, working with people on ideas I've had for future projects, and helping other friends improve their own projects, usually through critiques.  Most of my friends know that if they send me anything, I may not be able to tell them exactly how to improve it, but I can tell them what it needs in order to polish it a little more.  Sometimes I just do it for them if I know how, other times I just tell them what it needs and where, and I let them go at it.  This is because I speak many languages.  Programmer, artist, technical artist, prop designer, costume designer, singer, actor...hell, I even speak as a life advisor to some people.  I know I'm not the best at any of those, but I have enough knowledge in them that I can at least talk to them in a way that they know exactly what I'm getting it, and it usually inspires them and they are able to improve their own work. It's actually quite satisfying when a friend asks me for a real critique, and when I tell them all of the faults, they know I am just trying to help them and take it to heart.  And when I see it improve, I feel a sense of pride knowing that I helped them achieve a higher level of quality.

But getting back to inspiration, I've had a problem lately with it.  The few times I have been inspired by something, usually it's nothing that I can work with in the long run.  Other times its just absurd and the only person that would get it is myself.  I've really wanted to be inspired to do something I can showcase.  Something I can show to others and impress them.  Have them come back to me and tell me the little things I can do to improve it.  I would like to be on the other side of the coin once.  But those little things that used to inspire me all the time, such as music, movies, and talking with friends about random things, they just don't inspire me like they used to.

So what inspires you?  What makes you get excited to work on something and forces you to forego anything unimportant in order to get it completed?  I'd like to know, so maybe I might have a few new things to try.

Attitude, Aptitude, and Achievements

Regardless of what you think, you are always being judged.  Right now, reading this blog, you are judging me on multiple levels even if you don't know it.  Subconsciously you are searching for faults in my writing, or words and ideas that you can determine what kind of person I am.  And honestly, I enjoy that aspect of life.  The idea that no matter where you go or what you do good or bad, and being judged on it is something that keeps me on my toes.  Sometimes it causes me to rethink an action or phrase before I put it forth into the world.  Other times, I just don't care and I put it out there anyways.

I've been thinking about that aspect more and more, and I think I've narrowed down to three simple categories on which a person is judged.  Amazingly, I also managed to contain them into words beginning with A.  I feel accomplished because of it.  These are by in no means in any specific order, but all three come into play.

The first is ATTITUDE, or your demeanor and emotion towards the world at large.  Whether you are a person that is outwardly happy, mellow, or depressed, or perhaps you speak with a tone that makes you seem pompous, ignorant, intelligent, or angry.  Your attitude towards life and the people around you is a massive judging point.  There are many phrases that mirror this, such as "No one likes a party pooper." or "Don't be a douche."  I've found that on days when I have a more upbeat attitude, I feel generally better and tend to get more positive feedback from people.  On the days when I have a more mellow or even depressed attitude, I feel worse than I really am and get more negative feedback.  Getting more specific, I've found that people who have a positive look on their job, regardless of what they do, tend to do better in it.  They work harder, they get noticed, and they advance.  On the contrast, those that feel they have to be at their work and hate it, tend to slack off, and as their supervisors notice that and reprimand, their demeanor worsens and things spiral out of control until they lose their job.

The next is APTITUDE.   Now, most might think this is knowledge, but on the contrary, it's actually more like intelligence.  It's not what you know, but how you can put facts together or figure out and solve problems.  This is where talent lies.  It's very hard to put this category into a physical form outside of formal testing, but a way you can tell if someone feels you have a higher aptitude is if they give you a problem to solve, but don't hold your hand through it.  They allow you to solve it yourself.  Take for instance if your friends want you to plan a party for another friend.  If they feel you can handle it, they will allow you to take charge and delegate tasks to them if needed.  However, if they don't have that confidence, they may keep reminding you of the little things such as food, plates, etc etc until they know you have everything.

The last one is ACHIEVEMENTS. This is those physical or mental trophies of your knowledge.  Things you can show someone to say "Hey, I know what I'm doing."  Maybe it's a literal trophy that says you won a competition doing something.  Perhaps it's something you worked on that became known.  Maybe it's even something you challenged yourself with and managed to complete it.  It's something that showcases your ability to accomplish what you claim to be able to do.

I'll give you a personal example of how I'm judged on these three things daily.  When a customer comes into the story, the first thing they see is my attitude.  I'm smiling as I greet them, then offer assistance into finding what they are there to look for, possibly something they weren't even looking for.  That's attitude.  I often times get customers that don't know what they are looking for, so I proceed to ask them questions to narrow down to a few choices of items they may like.  That's aptitude.  When they get home and enjoy what they've selected, many times they come back and ask me for other recommendations, or even ask me if there is something that is outside their comfort zone to try. That, to me, is an achievement.  And that's just in selling wine.  The more that a customer comes in, the more that relationship between us grows, and the more they trust me to help them with their needs.  If they want to know how I know so much, I explain to them all the other 'achievements' I have earned, from the classes my job has sent me to in order to learn about wine and spirits, to the many tasting seminars I've earned the right to go to where I've tried all of these different wines.  If they ever need help planning for a party, they know I have the aptitude to help them get enough drinks and supplies to easily get them through it with ease.

It looks like a lot of work, and honestly, it is a little bit.  But succeeding in this world takes work.  But the hardest of these is not knowing what you need to or putting things together, but keeping up a good attitude with it all.  It's easy to get discouraged when there isn't instant gratification, or if you are always in the shadow of someone that is better at what you are trying to do.  But you have to keep your head up, and working hard at it.  Eventually, that positive attitude will bring great things, even if they come in small little increments.

Secrets and Surprises

It's been nearly 3 months since I started writing this blog.  I've averaged around 13 views per post, and currently have about 240 views in total.  As far as I'm concerned, that's not bad.  I didn't start this blog to become famous or rich.  It was just something to organize my thoughts onto paper per se.

Yet, I'm still surprised at the fact that there are actually people reading it.  It may not be many, but they are there.  I often wonder if they are just clicking it to up the page view count, or if they are actually reading it.  Sometimes I wonder if they actually share it/post it/tweet it so other people can see.  And sometimes I wonder if I've actually reached anyone in such a way that they've either taken what I've said to heart, or if they've changed their stance on something.


Occasionally I'll let my mind really wander and think of the most absurd things possible, like the government watching this blog, or that my life is like The Truman Show and there are actually 1000s of people reading it but the producer's don't want me to know that.  Perhaps there is even one or two people out there that are so obsessed with the blog that they are secretly planning to find out where I live and hold me hostage in their basement in some sort of weird obsessive loving way.

Then I come back from my crazy mind, and go back to whatever I was doing.  It's a nice place to visit, but it's no secret that whatever is going on in my mind is not a place most people want to settle down in.  It's a crazy place.


I tend to also wander into other people minds.  Trying to take what I know of them and dissect their secrets just from mannerisms, the way they say certain things, the way they avoid talking about other things.  It's kind of a hobby of mine trying to know other people better than they know themselves.

Why do I do this?  Because the human mind always surprises me.  No matter how many people I meet, no matter how many times I get to know someone, I'm always pleasantly surprised when I make a prediction about someone's actions in a situation, and they don't react the way I expect.


Everyone has secrets.  Some people hide them very well.  Others bury them with fake secrets, giving people something slightly obvious that they don't mind someone knowing, but they pretend to keep it a secret so a deeper secret stays hidden.  Some people are openly honest with everything, sometimes to a point where it becomes too much information.  And I like finding all of them.

And I know there are others out there that like finding secrets in people or in TV shows or even in blogs.  For instance, I bet most people didn't realize that I set up a hidden message in my blogs.  It's there...let's see who can find it. ^.^

But life is full of surprises.  Those days when you expect it to be sunny and it rains.  Or those days when it starts out horrible and suddenly an event brighten up your day and you can't help but smile.  Those little moments of unexpectedness that make life fun.


My favorite surprises are the ones with friends.  Especially if it involves parties.  There was one time in college when a friend overheard that I had never had a surprise party for my birthday.  That year, she threw me one.  That was a surprise to me.  The surprise to her was the day she threw it I was sick. But because I had never had one, I got up, went to the party, and had a good time.  And I thank her for that.  One day though, someone will throw me a birthday surprise party and I won't see it coming at all.  Just suddenly walk in a door and a bunch of people will yell "SURPRISE!!!" and I'll have a small heart attack.

But I had just been thinking about the little secrets and surprises life brings.  It's been a pleasant week, and that little thought had been swimming in my mind.  I hope it brightened up your day.

Hint to the blog secret: Look at the first letter of each blog title.

Reminiscing

After my last post, I suddenly found myself remember a lot of stuff from my past.  For instance, I remember the exact moment when I knew I wanted to create my own video game before I die.  The year was 1999, when the world was a buzz with talks of the end of the world caused by the Y2K bug, the West Nile virus was causing even more of a scare in the U.S.A., and the events of Columbine High School had just happened a couple of months prior.  Bill Clinton was being impeached, Beanie Babies were on their last leg, and a bunch of great movies came out like Sixth Sense, Austin Powers: The Spy Who Shagged Me, and Toy Story 2, as well as a few not so great movies like Star Wars Episode 1: The Phantom Menace.

I had recently picked up a game that I had played before.  A remake of an old Sega CD game that I loved called Lunar: Silver Star Story Complete.  The first time I had played it I had loved the game so much that I couldn't resist picking up an updated version.  From the moment I started the game, the updated visuals floored me.  Here, take a minute just to enjoy the intro.

Beautiful, isn't it.  As I proceeded through the game, even though I knew the story already, I was still captivated by the way the characters had feeling, and how the story unfolded in such a way that my mind was in awe at each moment.  Before I knew it, my mind was racing with ideas of my own for stories and game mechanics that would only add to the game, without detracting from what was already there.

At the time, I had a friend named Lee.  Phenomenal writer for being only a freshman.  If I ever see his name on a published book, I'm going to buy it because I know it'll be good.  He and I began talking about various ideas that we had, both knowing where we were pulling these ideas from as we were both anime and JRPG fans.  After a while of talking and going back and forth with each others ideas, feeding off of each other, we ended up figuring out that we could create an original game.  While I wish I had known then what I know now so we could have actually completed it, it was still fun.  I ended up tinkering with RPG Maker 95 and eventually RPG Maker 2000, Lee came up with some story concepts, and my best friend Dan, who is still my best friend and I now call him brother, came up with music ideas.  Listening to some of the tunes he came up with back then brings back a feeling of nostalgia.

However, four years went by, and we had come up with some great concepts, but never finalized anything.  If we had, we would have had about six or seven games and an entire anime series ready to go for production.  Then graduation, and Lee and I fell out of contact, and Dan and I live far apart and have lives that don't give us the luxury of whipping up a game.

Yet, I think back on those four years of high school and think "What if?"  What if we had actually nailed down even one solid idea and had flushed it out and finished the development of it for release?  Would the three of us still be in contact today?  Would our lives have been any different?  Would we be rolling in cash from the console release of it?  It's really not too good to dwell on the past that much, but it's an interesting concept.

Dan at least now works on audio for games.  However, the last I heard Lee was still living with his parents and wasn't writing as much, if anything.  It's a shame to think that someone that had so much talent in writing as he did would stop writing.  Some of his stories were the inspiration for some of what I consider my greatest works of art and Dan's best music in my opinion.

Pulled straight out of an old sketchbook

From that same sketchbook

From one much later in high school

Normally here is where I tack on a question, but not this week.  This week I'd rather just have everyone think back to a random time.  Your freshman year of high school, or another extended period of time that you look back to every so often and get a great memory.  A time you can remember mostly in your dreams.  Those magical thoughts where all things are real, unless you dream they're not.

Let rise the dreams of your heart.  That innocent youth, careless and kind. Because when I remember high school, I remember Lunar, my friends, and the great times we had coming up with ideas, and it makes me feel like I'm a kid again, and will until the day I die.

Note: Yeah...it was tacky to tie on lyrics from the video into what I was saying.  But damn if I can get that song out of my head.

Association

I like to watch a lot of TV shows, ranging from sitcoms to cartoons to shows like How It's Made and even Diners, Drive-ins and Dives.  About the only thing I don't watch is reality shows because way too many of them don't seem like reality.  They seem more like people that aren't actors trying to act out a very generalized script.

But I really like watching sitcoms like How I Met Your Mother or Home Improvement.  Shows like that, those shows about a bunch of people living life and a bunch of realistic, yet absurd stuff happens to them regularly.  Those feel more like reality, especially when the actors (and the writers who write their lines) portray them in such a way that I go "That's pretty much how I'd react."


Recently though, I was watching through the seventh season of How I Met Your Mother, and watched an episode called The Trilogy.  In this episode, Ted, Marshall and Barney reminisce every three years about what their life was like three years ago, and what they think their life is going to be three years from now when they get together again to watch the Star Wars Trilogy in one sitting (something I should probably do sometime soon.  I haven't done that in a long time.)  Every three years, they talk about how three years ago there was certain problems going on, how some of those problems got resolved, and then imagined a grandiose future of perfection that should happen in three years (Except Barney, who just said "This is <blah>.  You are going to be seeing a lot more of <blah>.  *leads her out the door* And they never saw her again.  WASSUP!")

Now, whenever I watch what I consider a good TV show, I can't help but associate one character, or sometimes multiple characters, towards my life and who I am.  I've also done this with songs, even going so far as to say that enough of The Offspring's songs reflect some time-frame of my life that they are taking my life as their inspiration.  But in HIMYM case, I suddenly realized I was Ted.  Actually, worse off than Ted, but Ted none the less.  I'm the hopelessly optimistic guy that's their for his friends, looking for someone to spend the rest of my life with and be stable both financially and relationship wise.  Yet, I always seem to fall short in every aspect, especially now.

I'm 27 years old, still working a part-time job that a high schooler could do (well, I work at a liquor store, so a 21 year old still in college), and my life doesn't seem to be progressing.  There is a wall I can't seem to climb over, and I've been looking around and there is no one around to help me over it.  Yet, I keep trying to climb it.  I keep clambering up that wall, and I keep falling short and falling back down.

Let's go back nine years to 2004.  I was in the Navy, had just gotten out of boot camp, and was heading to my A-school.  At that time, I wanted to go to Japan, do my four years, and get out with money to go to school.  I imagined that in three years, I would be heading to college with plenty of money in my pocket and plenty of memories of my time in the service.

Jump three years forward to 2007.  I'm now out of the Navy with an honorable discharge, I was able to go to Japan as well as a bunch of other countries.  I had those memories I wanted, and a few I didn't want, and I had my money for college.  My prediction had come true, and now I wanted to go to college, get my degree in Computer Programming, and start working on video game design and building.

Finally, we jump ahead to 2010, and I was in the Master's degree at Full Sail, working on a plan to finish my thesis, get my Master's, and hopefully get a job as a Producer or Assistant Producer, or even just a QA tester in the video games field.  I had managed to go to the college I wanted to, but instead of Computer Programming, I instead had jumped to Computer Animation, received my bachelors with little to no problems, and decided to stay to possibly earn something even greater.  Three years from then, I imagined myself working at a smaller studio, somewhere that did console and/or PC games, and working my way up the ladder towards my dream job of either Lead Designer or a Director's position.  By that time, I also expected to have a steady girlfriend, possibly living with me, and in my own head starting to think about proposing to her within the next year or so.

Yet, here we are in 2013, and instead of all of that, I live at home with my parents, I work a part-time job making barely enough money to pay some of my bills from school, I have no girl-friend, and all of my regular friends are at minimum 600 miles away from me.  I've realized that without the centralization of communication I'm used to of school, clubs, and commonality, as well as the lack of money to freely spend for enjoyment, I have trouble making friends.  While I'm confident in my ability to speak, I can't seem to find a girl that I can see myself with.  And as much as I try, whether within or outside my field of talent, I can't seem to land a career to allow myself to be self-sufficient once again.

If I were to make a prediction right now about where my life will be in 2016, optimistically I would probably say that I might be at a point where I've been promoted at my job (or possibly another part-time job I may take has promoted me) which places me in management.  I would then be working 40-60 hours a week at a job I really don't like and don't want to be in, and probably working a second job just to make ends meet.  If I'm lucky, I'll be at least living with a roommate in a small apartment, and I might have a few friends that we get together every-so-often and watch TV or play Rock Band.  In other words, mediocrity.

And that's why I watch TV.  I escape into the lives of people with problems more extravagant than mine, yet still very similar.  I associate myself into one of the characters and hope to have their solution inspire a way to correct my situation.  But the more TV shows I watch, the more I wish I could get the writers of my life to stop dragging on this season, and instead answer some of the questions I know they must be asking.  I would like a new story arc to begin.  We've been through the Trial of the Navy arc, the Good Times of College arc, let's put an end to the Career Search Challenge arc at least.

I'd love to know if other people associate themselves with characters like this.  I know there is a type of psychosis that pertains to this, but I'd feel better knowing that I'm not the only delusional one.